“Imagine how this can transform our churches. Instead of talking to the same people-those with whom we are comfortable and who are similar to us- we treat others as God has treated us. Imagine how aloneness could gradually be banished.” Side by Side.
I initially read Side-by-Side, by Ed Welch, for a school assignment and was challenged to put its practical nature to work. I was tasked to meet with someone twice a month and walk alongside them as a friend who is both needy and needed. I found this book to be a helpful tool in this opportunity as it provided guidance and resources in how to care for others well.
The book is divided in two sections: We are needy and We are needed. Each chapter included thought provoking questions which provided an opportunity to reflect on it personally. As I reflected on the first section “We are needy”, I was able to enter into this new relationship with an expectation of it being a two-way friendship. It involved me sharing my own struggles and needs instead of coming alongside as the one who could be the helper. This allowed our relationship to be a vulnerable place where we both could admit our weakness and encourage each other in our pursuit of Christ. In this section Welch emphasises the need to say “help”. He provides many Biblical texts that speak to lament, and the idea of crying out to God in Scripture. Not only are we encouraged to ask for help from God, but also we must learn how to ask for help from others. He includes a section on how to ask for prayer from others. He writes, “We want to ask for prayer about both circumstances and matters of the heart that sit below the surface, for things seen and things unseen.” Included in this chapter, he describes how to put our burdens into words, and then how to attach Scripture to them. This was such a helpful chapter in learning how to be vulnerable with each other as a way to invite others to speak God’s purposes and promises over our lives.
The second section “We are needed” provided helpful ideas for how to engage others on a deep level in our relationships. It normalises our fears about being a helper and reminds us God delights to use ordinary people and equips us with His Spirit. Welch writes, “With the Spirit, we move toward other people and are amazed that God uses ordinary people to do his kingdom work”. This was such a reassuring way to enter into a relationship with someone, knowing that it wasn’t in my own strength to help but that I would be equipped with the wisdom of Christ. Each chapter also included simple action steps and a personal challenge on how to live this out practically. Welch even goes so far as to include scripts for good conversations, being a thoughtful listener and asking follow up questions.
Each chapter is loaded with Biblical content and spoke to using Scripture to meet others in difficult spaces. My favourite addition is his chapter on “Pray during trouble”. This chapter emphasises the importance of including prayer in our everyday interactions, as well as helpful questions to pull out what is on our friends’ hearts so we can pray for not only their circumstances but also their hearts. Welch includes corresponding Bible texts to pray for specific needs of our friends, and simple directives of the importance of following up.
Not only was this book helpful in my personal walk with a friend, I was also able to go through it again as a book study with a discipleship team. The book can easily be divided into the two sections, and with each chapter having its own reflection questions it allowed for easy discussion. The Christian Counseling Education Foundation (CCEF) also provides a free study and leaders guide, making it easy to facilitate in any group setting. We found the book to be personally convicting in how we pursue others, as well as useful to encourage others to grow in places of insecurity.
Side by Side is full of simple truths, practical advice and encouragement for every Christian. I highly recommend this read for anyone who is looking to love others well and wanting to grow in their relationships with others.
Summary:
Do you ever wish you could be a better friend, have appropriate words to say to someone in a tough situation, or simply know how to engage with someone that you’ve never met before? Ed Welch helps us out with a Biblical and practical guide in Side by Side. He shows us how to walk alongside others in wisdom and love. God created us to live in community, but relationships can be hard. We’re busy and plus, don’t we have enough of our own issues? Welch, a gifted counselor and writer, divides his book into two parts: We are Needy and We are Needed. I appreciate that he premises how we are to love others by first positioning the reader in a place of humility, reminding us that we are all needy. We are all in need of love, but with God, we have been given everything we need through the Holy Spirit to move toward and love others.
Questions to consider:
Do you find it difficult to ask for help? How can you grow in learning how to speak your burdens to others?
What are the unique gifts God has given you in your role as helper? How do you see this lived out in your church?
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